Missing you today as we do everyday. The children have had a nice day and eaten lots of chocolate. I remember the last Easter we had. The lovely weather and the children looking for eggs in the garden.
I can’t believe we’ve not seen you for 18 months. It’s too long and unfortunately for us there’s worse to come. I talk about you everyday. I say your name everyday. That’s how I keep you alive. You live on in me and the children. You will always be in our hearts and will never be forgotten.
I miss you so much. There’s so many things I want to talk to you about for advice and I can’t. I have to work things through on my own. I may not always make the right decisions but I try and do the best I can.
Life is hard. Really hard. I just wish you were here to help support me and guide me and tell me things will be ok. I felt safe when you were here. I don’t feel safe and secure anymore. The future worries me. Will I cope? Will we be ok? I don’t know the answers. I know there’s no guarantees in life but if you were here I know I would be ok. You always had a plan. But this wasn’t part of any of your plans. I’ll never understand why the cancer happened and in such a brutal way. We should have had longer. Time was never on our side in those short weeks. Everyday was a punishment and there was nothing that could have been done to stop it. It went too quick it was like being on a rollercoaster. The only peace I feel is that you aren’t suffering anymore as the disease kept spreading and was out of control. I wish more could have been done to help you. I felt helpless watching you get weaker and enduring the side effects of the medication. You fought to the bitter end. I know you were scared but i was with you by your side as I promised and that was a promise based on love and my commitment as your wife to be with you. I stayed with you until the end when I was no longer able to be by your side. I wish I could have done more for you. You shouldn’t have gone. You really really shouldn’t have gone.